[me just thinking]

 

“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”  [Steven Pressfield]

Confession time – I constantly struggle with self doubt … about my purpose in this world, about how other people view me, about my worth and value, etc., etc., etc.  The list could go on.

One of the areas I struggle with most, however, is in the area of my photography.  I love photography!  I love being able to capture God’s beauty all around me and I find great pleasure in finding something that seems rather ordinary to the eye and turning it into art.  There’s just something about it that feeds my soul.  And I think I’ve learned enough over the past couple of years to think I’m decent at it.

But I’m constantly struggling with the thought that I’m not good enough.  That I have no business thinking I have any talent or skill with my camera.  That no one really cares what I’m producing.  That so-and-so could and does do it so much better than I do.  That there’s no room for little old me in the photography world.

The constant battle is exhausting really and so rather than fight it any longer, I just gradually start to pull away from what I love.

Yesterday, however, I stumbled upon an article in which the author talked about the book, "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield.  In his book, Pressfield discusses the idea of “resistance” – a common problem for those who are either in the business of or simply enjoy the act of creating something.

The article was not written from a Christian standpoint, but as I read it, it was very easy to recognize this idea of resistance as the direct work of the Enemy.

…the constant self doubt

…the voices that tell you you’re not good enough

…the feeling like you should just give up

…the thought that no one is interested in your creations

I spent the rest of the day pondering that article because it struck a chord with me.  I’ve had people ask me if I’d ever consider going into business or if I’d be willing to take pictures for them and my answer is typically no.  I truly don’t feel called to go into business, however, I feel that a lot of the reason why I’m quick to say no is due to fear … due to the resistance I constantly feel about my work.

It’s no secret that Satan’s goal is to steal, kill and destroy and I wonder if the reason he sets out to resist creative work is because the act of creating anything is typically an outpouring of the heart … the outpouring of oneself.  I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I admit that when I use my camera to capture or create, it is extremely personal.  My heart typically guides my photography.  I suspect the same is true for the person who paints or draws or sews or writes or anyone who creates anything.

Our hearts are the center of who we are.  It’s what makes us unique.  It’s what draws us closer to God if we know him personally.  Wouldn’t it make sense if that’s the area that Satan would want to attack?  That he would love nothing more than for us to stop sharing our hearts with those around us.  When we create something, it’s an opportunity to share our hearts.  Of course, the Enemy would have us believe that we have nothing to offer!  When we believe the lies, we begin to close off our hearts to others and we stop sharing what only we can offer – ourselves and our unique perspective.

I’ll admit, I’m still mulling all of this over in my mind and have yet to discover what it means for my own personal journey, but I do know one thing … I cannot allow the Enemy to keep me from doing what I love.  I believe that God gave me the desire to create and I believe that he knows whether that desire will ever lead to anything other than what I’m currently doing.  In the meantime, I am going to try saying “yes” more – “yes” to new opportunities, “yes” to doing the work, “yes” to sharing my heart through my pictures, “yes” to being grateful for the opportunity I have to create.

“God measures our success with the yardsticks of obedience, faithfulness, and righteousness.  If you are faithfully doing the work God has given you, you are successful in his eyes.”  [from the commentary section of my Bible in the book of Jeremiah]