Pleasing who?

Hi!  My name is Lisa and I’m a people pleaser…

I don’t think being a people pleaser is an all together horrible character trait … unless of course, you find yourself striving a little too hard to win the approval of others … hard enough that you begin to lose yourself.

That is where I found myself recently.

Photography has been such a wonderful hobby for me.  What started out as a love for taking pictures of my kids with my little point and shoot camera, quickly became something that I felt passionate about.  When I “graduated” to my dslr four years ago, I set out to learn as much as I could about that camera.  Eventually my pictures started to improve and I started receiving positive feedback about my work, which felt good.  Very good.

Maybe too good.

You see, somewhere along the line taking pictures became a major part of my identity.  When I took good pictures and got lots of good feedback from other photographers (or anyone for that matter!), I was on cloud nine.  But if I shared a picture and got no (or very little) feedback, I was crushed.  The silence felt like rejection to me and it began to affect how I saw myself and my work.

And so I tried harder.  I subscribed to more photo blogs, participated in more photo challenges, commented on more blogs, and posted more often, here, on my own blog.  And it only helped a little.  For a time, I received a few more comments and for a time I felt a little more confident about my work.  But it wasn’t enough.  Compared to other photo blogs, mine was not even coming close when it came to traffic.  Even after my “improved” efforts, I still wasn’t marketing myself enough to garner the attention I thought I needed to build my confidence.  And that only made me feel worse about myself.

Thankfully about that time, God began a work in my heart.  As is so typical of my Heavenly Father, he graciously and gently invited me to go on a journey with him … a journey towards finding my identity in him ALONE.  One of the ways he did this was by placing devotionals in my path that spoke to this very topic …

“Instead of obsessing about other people’s opinions of you, keep your focus on Me.  Ultimately, it is My view of you that counts.”  (Jesus Calling, 10/28/11)

“To do things no one else is doing, we can’t do what everyone else is doing.  And our greatest triumphs in life are always our most solitary ones.  Every great victory begins on our knees.”  (Ann Voskamp, www.aholyexperience.com)

And my personal favorite, the one that started it all …

“Beware of seeing yourself through other people’s eyes.  There are several dangers to this practice.  First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you.  Moreover, their views of you are variable; subject to each viewer’s spiritual, emotional, and physical condition.  The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry.  Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please Me, your Creator.”  (Jesus Calling, 10/12/11)

That last quote just made sense to me.  Especially the part about how when I become a bit obsessed with what other people think of me or my photographs, I’m actually committing idolatry.  Ouch!  I didn’t even realize how much power I was giving others until those words hit me between the eyes.

And so I started praying that God would allow me the courage to let go of my need for approval, that the lack of comments would not consume me and that I would have the strength and ability to keep my heart and mind focused on Him and His presence and not my circumstances.

As I prayed those words day after day, something miraculous began to happen.  Gradually, the scales on my eyes began to fall off and I stopped feeling the need to strive for attention and positive feedback.  And with that weight lifted off my shoulders, I began to feel free.

I’m under no illusions that this is the end of this struggle for me.  Life is a journey and I’m fully aware that God still a lot of work to do in and through me.  But I’m on my way.  I’m finally letting go of the grip this particular issue had on me.

I may not compare to a lot of the blogging photographers that are out there … I may not receive the most comments … my pictures may not always be tack sharp or have perfect composition … I may never have my own business or be recognized for outstanding work, but …

My name is Lisa and I’m a God-pleaser…

[And that’s good enough!]